Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Country Road Take Me Home

It's a boy!!

We knew that though, didn't we? You would think that this thing of trusting myself, or my intuition, or God, or the Universe, or whatever you want to call the voice that I hear when I'm extremely calm, would be easy. But it's not. Still, I'm working on it because I believe it's a lot better than walking around with fear and anxiety about what will happen next in my life. Plus, I've always believed that the more you trust, the more information will be shared. And it seems that's exactly what has started happening to me.

The latest message that I've received is that we are to move around October. That we will sell this house, and move to a house, a grey house, that’s within walking distance of an athletic club with an indoor/outdoor pool! It was said that the house has two triangle roof structures with a flatter structure in-between. I was told that Gabriel wants to be born in that house, (I’m really hoping this was figurative), and that I needn't worry about how we will afford it, or the fact that it's not yet for sale, that, indeed, everything will work out. Oh, and that I need to stay out of the way of the process. Like little old me would ever be in the way? Ha.

Mind you, this message came after months, or maybe even years, of me having the same dream every night and not “getting it.” The dream was that I was moving into my dorm room at the University of Miami, except that I could not find it. Of course the dream had variants, but basically it was the same. Every. Single. Night. I even talked to two therapists about this, and none of us could see the forest through the trees. It was about moving! Sometimes, a cigar is just a cigar. Since I realized that we needed to move, the dream has, mercifully, stopped, and I no longer feel like I’m living the movie “Groundhog Day.”

A few days after I realized what this recurring dream really meant, I got the message about where we were to move. The day after that, my husband and I drove to said athletic club, where we both noticed a street that curved upward and decided to turn on it. After a fork in the road, we decided to go left, and 3 houses in, on the right, was the house I had imagined. Interestingly, this is exactly how to get to our house now. Turn left, and three houses down, we are on the right. And just as the message warned, it was not for sale.

In fact, with some research, we were able to find that the house sold just shy of a year ago. That scares me because I don’t understand why someone would sell it so quickly, unless they were “flipping” it, in which case it could end up way out of our price range. “Don’t worry about the cost,” they had said. Easier said than done.

The fact that it sold recently was helpful in that we got to see the listing, and what it looks like inside. It has 4 bedrooms, 2.5 baths, and a huge great room with vaulted ceilings and skylights, a floor-to-ceiling stone fireplace, and a completely open design. The bedrooms have carpet, which I’m not crazy about, and the bathrooms looked a little small, but overall it is a beautiful house, and yes, it’s walking distance to an Olympic-sized swimming pool!

One of our main worries was how we would sell our home, since every time we’ve had it appraised, it came up short of what we needed. But after a new realtor came and did her research, she concluded that we could list it for more than we owe. Phew! And so, we are having our roof cleaned and our lawn prettied, and then listing our home. Presumably, so that we can move into the new digs that Gabriel picked for us.

I can see how this sounds crazy. And it seems that everyone else in the world finds a house first, and then sells theirs. But if we were to truly believe in the spirit world, why would this be crazy at all? Do we really think that we know more than all of the unseen forces out there? I certainly don’t. So why not trust a voice, a vision, or a spirit guide, who tells you something useful?

I’ve always loved Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes’ work. She is a renowned author, Jungian analyst, curandara, and storyteller. It is through her recording, “Mother Night: Learning to See in the Dark,” that I learned to view messages from the other-world as commonplace. She calls them the big “so what”? Not to take away from the importance of the message, but to illustrate the normality of the unseen world, and to validate that these messages are available to anyone who is willing to listen. I am no more special or psychic than any other sentient being, I just have my ears wide open.

What will I do if I sell my house and this other house still isn’t on the market? I will ask for guidance, and I will receive it at the necessary time. The process will unfold with me having minimal involvement. This, by the way, is the exact opposite to how I was raised to do things. In the past, I would have already seen 25 houses, and gotten my heart broken while each one sold, while I’m still waiting for the roof guy. I already know, the road that neurotic behavior takes me down. This time, I'm following a new path by practicing patience and trust, and I believe that this road will take me home.

Blessings,
Hayley

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Freedom Doesn't Come From A Bottle

Today is the day I've been waiting for! I finally got the call from my doctor's office, the one that was supposed to confirm my intuition, and tell me that I am, in fact, having a healthy baby boy. This call was supposed to ease my mind, and give me a reason to go out for dinner. Well, can you guess what happened? 

No, I wasn't wrong, and shame on you for thinking so! 

The test did not work on me. Apparently, I don't have enough fetal matter in my blood, whatever that means, so no results are available. Seriously?! After two weeks of waiting, this is what they call to tell me? And, of course, it wasn't the brand-new, not-exactly-tried-and-true test that was at fault, it was my blood. My fetal-lacking blood. 

The nurse suggested that I redo the test, and, initially, I agreed. But then I got to thinking. Why, if I believe in myself, am I putting myself through this stress? Why would I make another trip to the doctor's office, have more blood drawn, and wait another two weeks for results that I don't actually need? I mean, as far as the gender goes, he's either a boy, or a girl, and truthfully, I'd be thrilled either way, even if I would be a little confused about why I was initially "told" he is a boy. And, as far as testing for genetic abnormalities, that too does not matter to me. Either way, I'm going to love this baby, so why do I need to know now, exactly what I will be dealing with in 6 months? Plus, I hear there are false positives with these tests, and, if my first try produced no results, God only knows what a second try would offer. 

So, I decided, that today is the day that I take back my power. I realized that I can say no to all of this. I don't have to get up early tomorrow to go have blood drawn. Instead, I can sleep in, and just enjoy the little movements in my belly. I can continue to build a relationship with Gabriel, by just being here with him, and I can teach him about trusting oneself by refusing to let a test result determine my mood. Plus, I can show him about living with flow, the art of paying attention to the many cues around us every day. In fact, these inconclusive results weren't the first clue that maybe this test was unnecessary. There was also some confusion at the doctor's office about this procedure, and although it got resolved, the lack of smooth flow stuck in my mind. 

So, today, I am free. I don't need a medical procedure to tell me what my soul already knows. There is a beautiful, healthy, baby boy growing inside of me, and I am so damn lucky.

Hayley