Unless Mercury Is In Retrograte, I Don't Want To Hear About It!

What kind of person starts a blog, writes three entries, and then ignores it for 2 months?

One who got pregnant, approximately one second after starting said blog.

It's not that I haven't wanted to write, I have, but writing about anything other than the fact that I'm creating a new human seemed inauthentic, and even though I told Facebook about the little seed far too early, I just didn't want to do that here. 

So, here I am. Telling you now, just as I'm starting my second trimester. Right at the time that pregnant women are supposed to share such news. And that's the foundation for today's soap box. The ever growing list of do's and dont's for us life-givers. Maybe it's because this is my second pregnancy, but I'm just not buying it anymore. I'm eating tuna, because it makes me feel full without feeling sick. I'm not exercising, because when I do I feel nauseas, and, perhaps the most scandalous, I stopped taking my pre-natal vitamins, because they were causing stomach problems. Yep, I'm pretty much the anti-Christ of pregnancy. But, you know what? I feel a zillion times better than I did with my first one, where I stuck to every rule like glue. Not that correlation equals causation, but still.

I suppose that being a generally healthy woman has kept me out of too many doctor's offices, so when I get pregnant it's kind of a culture shock to be monitored so closely. And I love my OB, don't get me wrong, but would it be too much to ask for her to just say, "Go forth and multiply!" without the mercury speech? I don't kow, maybe I'm putting too much weight on external validation, but wouldn't it be awesome if practitioners were a little encouraging? You know after they scare the crap out of us with all of the things that might go wrong over the next 9 months.

But of all the things that I would like support on, it's this one: I know, I mean I KNOW, that I am having a boy. It's not that I prefer a boy or wish for a boy, I KNOW that I am having one. I know this because as I was falling asleep one night, several months before I conceived, a voice told me so. Maybe it was God, or an Angel, or my highest-self, but someone other than my conscious-self said very clearly, that I was having a boy, and his name would be Gabriel. I haven't told many people, until now, how I know, but I've shared what I know, and the response has been 50/50, with 50% agreeing and 50% sharing stories of how they thought they knew, but were wrong. And maybe half of the first 50 are secretly thinking that I'm nuts. Next week, a blood test will confirm the sex of this being inside me, and then people will believe me. But why does it have to be that way? Why can't a woman's knowing be enough?

I say we start a movement. Let's know what we know and share it with others, even if the way that we came across this knowledge seems a little strange. It's just like Jerry said, "Once in a while you get shown the light, in the strangest of places if you look at it right."

Hayley

A Fendi Bag And A Bad Attitude

The other day, I watched a Netflix documentary called, "Scatter My Ashes At Bergdorf's." It was a historical/political/social commentary on the iconic New York department store, and what it means to be a client, and/or, a designer for the retail giant. I found it fascinating, which is not surprising considering my love for "Sex and The City," "Gossip Girl," and all things NYC fashionista. But as much as I love the idea of 6 inch Loubitin's, I wouldn't be caught dead in them. In fact, I have a love-hate relationship with the entire fashion industry.

The documentary featured many well-known designers like the Alexander McQueen and Marc Jacobs, as well as the original ice princess, Anna Wintour. 

Although, if we gave Princess Elsa a bob...

But it was someone unknown, at least to me, who made the statement that I just can't forget. She said, and I'm paraphrasing, that the reason that we need stores like Bergdorf's in this country is because we need people to keep striving to be better. That striving is part of the American dream. On the contrary, I think that always trying to be, and do, more is what ails our country, and causes so much depression among it's residents.

I'll admit, that fashion, and consumerism in general can be fun, exciting, creative, and possibly even empowering. But when we use words like retail therapy, I think we cross over to the dark side, because nothing external can ever solve anything internal. Ever.

Until the age of 32, I bought into this paradigm. I got excellent grades in high school, so that I could go to college. I did wonderfully in college, in order to be accepted to graduate school. I excelled in graduate school to get an internship, a post doc, my license, a practice, and so on, until I realized that I was on a wheel that would never stop turning. That's when my husband and I moved to North Carolina to slow things down a bit. But even here, in our beautiful mountain home, I can still fell the pull to do more, be more, achieve more. When will it stop?

That's why I say we all need to make a conscious decision to stop striving and start being. There is no better time than right here and right now. As Dave Matthews sings, "wash out this tired notion that the best is yet to come." Enjoy the moment. Today. Regardless of what, or who, you are wearing.

 

Yours freely,

Hayley

The Waiting Is The Hardest Part

Today I decided to get a couple of pieces of clothing altered. The garments are actually new buys, that I loved so much, that I ignored the fact that neither were my size. One is too big and the other too small. So, I traveled down the road to my favorite seamstresses, both of whom I think are octegenarians. I affectionately refer to them as "the ladies." I've called upon these ladies many times in the past, as is necessary when one is vertically challenged. But, today when I opened the door to their shop, the ladies were nowhere to be seen. A cohort of theirs informed me that the seamstresses are only on site Tuesday through Thursday, so I would have to come back next week. I stood there, knowing that today is Friday, but not wanting to move, as if somehow this aggregious error could be corrected with enough will. I half expected the ladies to appear, as if this was all an early April fool's joke. Finally, when the socially acceptable pause for me to comprehend this new information had well passed, I faked a smile and left the store. 

Of course, I could have taken my clothes somewhere else, but no one in town rivals the accuracy and precision of the ladies. So, I realized, I would just have to wait. Four whole days, until I can even drop off my clothes, and then who knows how long until they are ready. I cursed myself for not thinking to complete this errand yesterday, and then I cursed the whole town for having such "country" hours. Finally, I cursed myself for being upset about such a minor inconvenience when there are people in many countries who have no clothes at all, not to mention clean water or enough nutrition.

What I want, and what I eventually got, was to see this annoyance as an opportunity. They say that you can tell a lot about a person by how he responds to lost luggage and rain on his birthday. I want to be the kind of person that responds with grace and gratitude for all experiences, not just the ones that "go my way." After all, how many times have I looked back and thanked God for not getting what I wanted at the time? I may never know the true reason for today's happenings. Maybe I needed more practice with patience, or maybe, gasp, the reason has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with the ladies needing their beauty rest. But, what I do know is that life is better lived with flow, and it is my wish to step into it with faith and good intentions. Life is like a waterfall, and once you put yourself in it's path you can either enjoy the ride or fight 'til the death. Today, I choose enjoyment. 

With Gratitude,

Hayley

Almost Fictitious

Hello and Welcome To My Blog!

I know, I know. Everyone has a blog these days, but I really need one. You see, I'm a writer, and a licensed clinical psychologist, and, not to be conceited, but I have some really important things to say. It's taken me almost a decade to admit this, even though every soul sign in the Universe keeps telling me to write, and "share my gifts" with others. Trust me, it's not that I think I know it all. But, somehow, I've got to get past my fear of narcissism and do what I was brought to this Earth to do.

So, I'm starting this blog for a few reasons. One, because, evidently, I am supposed to write. Two, because I find it increasingly hard to find funny, entertaining writing with a positive message. And, three, because sometimes, as I'm working on my current book, "The Kokopelli Complex: The Relationship Between Creativity And Addiction," I'm given insights that I just have to share: Now! Waiting has never been my strong suit.

So, I hope you'll enjoy this page, and check back often.
This is me, so you know who you're dealing with.

Love,
Hayley